How to Raise a Perfect Little Angel
or, Training and Trusting
Of course you’ve heard teenagers and even younger
children claim, “My parents don’t trust me.” Every
child psychologist will tell parents that the important thing is that
they trust their children: trustworthiness is sure to follow. I’m
sorry, but I’m just not used to paying for something and waiting
six to eight weeks for delivery with no assurance of delivery or
recourse when delivery is not made. Trustworthiness is something which
results from training, and not from previously-doled-out trust.
Enter Joel L. He’s a second-grader in my Sunday School class
at the Campus Church, Pensacola, FL. He’s also the most
trustworthy and best-behaved child in the class. In fact, when I need
someone to deliver something to the Junior Church teacher (Junior
Church follows Sunday School, and is in a different classroom), he is
the only student whom I have ever so much as considered for the errand.
Joel can spout off a semester’s-worth of Bible verses at the drop
of a hat (“How about the one before that, Joel? Do you remember
that one?”), answer questions about last week’s story like
nobody’s business, and sit still to boot! I have an idea.
Let’s follow him for a moment to see where his behaviour and
trustworthiness originated: from trust, or from training.
Friday, December 17th, 2004. Sports
Center, Pensacola Christian College, Pensacola, FL.
The semester had officially ended at 9:45 that morning. Most of the
student body had left, and most of us stragglers were in the Sports
Center (gym, weight rooms, bowling, racquetball, ice skating, and
miniature golf, along with pool, foosball, and places to just sit and
chat or play games) killing time. My friends and I were sitting around
watching The Artistry of Ivan1 on
Rachel’s computer and making small talk. Suddenly Joel came (from
nowhere, as far as I could figure) and stood over me (I was seated on
the carpet). He and I chatted a bit, and he eventually sat down to
watch the movie with us.
After not too long, Mrs. L, his mom, came over. I stood up to
introduce myself (as the recipient of the cookies she had sent with him
to Sunday School the previous Sunday to give to his teachers), and
ended up in a conversation. I mentioned rather quickly how much I
enjoyed having Joel in my class, and how well he always behaved
himself.
“Well, I’m glad to hear that! I worry about
him . . . When we do school, the girls always do their
work, but he always wants to go outside and play.”
Are you seeing where I am going with this? The kid was homeschooled
(which I had found out a couple of weeks earlier — but which in
no way surprised me, given his beyond-years maturity). That’s
nearly a given these days when you run across the rare decorous,
well-behaved child. That aside, however, did you see how even the
mother of my best student was not assuming of his behaviour?
A child can sense the difference between assumption and expectation,
I think. Assumption states that the child will be trustworthy because I
trust him. Expectation states that the child will be trustworthy
because I train him; and because I, knowing that “the heart is
deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked”2, watch for the
untrustworthiness when (not “if”) it crops up so I
can immediately and lovingly correct it.
And you know, that is love.3 A kid like Joel
is going to grow up and go places. A kid like D_____ (unanimously the
worst-behaved kid in the class) is going to need some help. But you
know, Joel’s folks could blow it. They could start trusting him
— who, as sweet and obedient as he is, has a deceitful heart and
a sin nature just like you or I. And D_____’s parents could stop
trusting him and start training him. That would make all the
difference.
1. The Artistry of Ivan
is a student-produced documentary of Hurricane Ivan. Daniel Allen, a
student at Pensacola Christian College, arranged for footage to be
taken throughout the campus during the lockdown for the hurricane
itself, as well as interviewing numerous faculty, staff,
administration, students, and Pensacola residents after the hurricane
had passed. The two-disc set, including a half-hour documentary and a
large library of still images and short video clips, may be ordered
from Brand X Multimedia by calling 815-212-3564 or 815-886-4144. The
cost is $15US +S&H. It is well worth fifteen dollars to see the good
coming from Ivan — the good that only God can bring from a
catastrophe. As Mr. Allen said, “Ivan’s terror was not
random or evil. It was all part of the Painter’s perspective to
show forth the glory of God.” The Lord hath His way in the
whirlwind and in the storm, and the clouds are the dust of His feet.
— Nahum 1:3b
2. “The heart is deceitful
above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?”
— Jeremiah 17:9
3. “He that spareth his rod
hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.”
— Proverbs 13:24
c.f. Proverbs 22:15 and 23:13